So, I walk into the spaceship and see an attractive woman laying, apparently strapped down to an operating table. She is covered with a white sheet. Intense operating lights bear down on her as aliens gesture to parts of her anatomy. The woman screams loudly. She screams and screams and screams. I decide I’ve had enough and turn to leave when a tall thin man gestures to me.

“You’re next.”, he says.

“Oh, shit.”, I say.

This isn’t exactly what signed up for, but I’m open minded and willing to try just about anything, so I take off my clothes, slip into the outfit that has been chosen for me, and put on a pair of Adidas tennis shoes I brought with me from home for the occasion. I allow a woman to take a hot, metal, iron rod to my hair and sear curls into a style — it’s not quite what I had in mind, but she seems to know what she is doing and what she has chosen to do to me seems appropriate under the circumstances. She butters my lips with some pale pink gloss, puts thick coats of mascara on my lashes, hangs big bubbly pink and white earrings from my lobes, then declares that I’m ready.

In the few moments that elapsed while I was being prepared, the interior of the space ship changed. No longer was it a frightening space, but rather a peaceful space lit with soft white light columns, a big screen along one wall and a comfortable place for me to sit. I sit and am soon joined by an alien. He’s your typical alien, the type you see in all the typical supermarket checkout stand tabloid magazines — big almond shaped eyes, loose pale green skin covering a thin skeletal frame, and an expressionless face on a head that is mostly cranium.

“Humm,” I think to myself, “with a head that huge, he must be really intelligent.”

We communicate telepathically and learn a little about each other. I smile and nod. He nods back. (Since his face is devoid of a mouth, it is impossible for him to smile back). We watch movies about planets and have a good time together.

I’m not at liberty to describe everything that happened during my visit, but my advise to anyone contemplating being abducted by space aliens is this: don’t judge an alien by his gigantic bulging eyeballs, bald head, skeletal body, pale green skin, and lack of facial expression. He might be a really nice guy inside.

Confessions of Alien Abductions, filmed in Berkeley and Mill Valley, California is produced by IndigoFilms. The series will air in late fall on Women’s Entertainment TV (We.tv).

My morning:

6:00 AM – I wake up, wash my face, and brush my teeth.

6:15 AM – I have some tea with breakfast, rifle through yesterday’s mail, and water the tomato plants.

7:00 AM – I wash the breakfast dishes, check my email, and look at my to do list.

7:30 AM – I make my hair big, spray some sweet smelling stuff on my skin, and put shiny pink lip gloss on.

7:45 AM – I slip into my shimmery body suit, zip up my boots, and strap my invisible cape on.

7:50 AM – I turn on the GPS device implanted in my neck, the Google Maps satellite scanners in my eyes, the iPhone implanted in the back of my skull, the iPhone stereo speakers implanted in my ears, and the wireless internet connection implanted in my brain. With all systems up and running, I grab a cup of hot soy chai with the microwave mug warmer implanted in my right hand, and I’m finally ready to face the day.

8:00 AM – I go into the garage, climb into my space ship, and blast off to spend another interesting day monitoring and reporting on news of the planet.

I’m Kimi Sato.

I’m an action figure.

May the force be with you.

Planet News Now is a production of FilmArt3, a division of Three House Multimedia. Hosted by Cheryl Itamura as Kimi Sato. Written and directed by Daedalus Howell. Filmed, edited and directed by Brodie Giles. Photography by Ryan Lely. Graphics by Barney LaHaye and Brodie Giles.